'Pataphysical Graffitti
Monday, September 15, 2003  


Have I mentioned that I'm over Holly?

Ever since she came back from Las Vegas, she's been a real bitch. I should have never told her about Mercury in retrograde-- now she's going to blame everything on it until the 20th, which is the day of our big show at the Petersen Automotive Museum on Wilshire Blvd.

We've been rehearsing like maniacs for the past two weeks, while she sits in a chair, singing along, watching us do our thing and giving notes. But come our next gig, if she's doing nothing on stage except standing around like a dolt, I'm going to have to give her some notes of my own.

She flaked out on one rehearsal because she was feeling sick-- I already went on about that one. But then she had the nerve to use that same excuse when it was time for me and her to go down to Hollywood and talk to these festival organizers.

She made me breakfast at least, which brings up another point between us: food is a way for her to cope with other people as well as her own problems. The former fat girl still has some old habits to break.

Then she sent me on my way, telling me that parking would be a problem and that I should just park my car at a restaurant or something.

I found parking right outside the building. I call that "Movie Parking", the kind where you just pull up, park, and walk inside. I'm lucky like that.

I went inside with my notebook and some flyers. I met with the event organizers, and we all had a seat inside the office. Danishes, Iced Tea and lemon cake were provided for our nourishment, as well as pastries and bananas.

I made some new friends while I was there: a bass player for a funk band, a drummer for a rock band, an Irish guitar hero who has played with the likes of Jimmy Page (although it was when Page was with The Firm, no less), and one of the members of Umbayale, a band comprised of former Oingo Boingo and Ozomatli musicians.

It got real boring at one point: I mean, it was exciting to know that we were getting paid in cash an hour before the set, and that all the food, drinks, and parking were taken care of, and that there was an equipment backline for every group in attendance... What bored me were the constant questions from those not too keen on the subject: musicians aren't necessarily smart or educated.

And then, she walked in the room, carrying posters under her arm and a look of satisfied exasperation on her face, like she'd just gotten fucked real good and was resting. The exasperation was probably the result of terrible L.A. traffic, but I imagined more.

I fall in love way too easily.

Then I recognized her as the singer of a band called Exploiting Eve. I'd thought they were rock en espanol, judging from the ethnic style of the guys in the group. Just like our band, there were two guitarists, a bass player, a drummer, and a hot chick singer.

Janelle Barretto.

I kept looking over at her, unable to take my eyes off of her. It's not that she's just good-looking-- she also has that glow that all guys dig when it comes to women. She's a heartbreaker, I can tell.

She sat on the floor, because there were no more chairs to be had. I kept staring at her, and every time she looked over at me I would look away, like a little boy trying to sneak a peek at a girl that he thinks is "purty"...

She made some jokes when she asked her questions. She came off as smart and confident. Sexy with a capital S. She was all smiles, sitting there on the floor, listening to the details.

I kept looking at her. I couldn't help myself. And then, when I thought she wasn't looking, she caught me, and smiled as I stared at her. I looked away again, but this time I had to smile too-- she'd caught me, I was busted.

Now what?

A five minute break was announced, and I went to use the john. When I came back, everyone was talking to each other. I sat in my chair, waiting for the meeting to resume. Without Holly there, I really had no reason to speak to anyone.

Janelle was being hounded by two rappers. I overheard their conversation. One guy asked her if she was a Leo.

"No, I'm a Gemini," she said.

Oh shit, I thought. I'm in trouble.

Then, when the meeting was about to begin again, she saw an empty seat next to me. She came towards me. I thought to myself, she probably will ask if the chair is empty, and I'll say yeah, and she'll pick it up and bring it over to where she was sitting...

"Excuse me, is anyone sitting there?"

I began to talk, but forgot to clear my throat, resulting in a phlegmy gurgle that sounded oh-so-unattractive.

"Uh, no. No, he got up and left."

She sat down next to me.

"I hope you don't mind..."

"Not at all," I said. Then I introduced myself.

"Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Janelle."

"What's your band's name?" I asked, out of politeness rather than a need to know.

"Exploiting Eve. And you?"

"Oh... Tiffany Twisted, for now."

"Right on. What do you play?"


"I've heard cool things about your band."

That's when I realized that, not only was she playing at the festival, but she was helping organize it also. She knew the same guys that Holly knew. She might even know Holly personally.

"Thank you. Same to you."

I lied-- I'd never heard any of their music before.


As the meeting slowly restarted, I gave her a flyer.

"Come and see us this Tuesday at Zen Sushi in Los Feliz."

"I'll try," she said. "Thank you."

"What time are you playing on Friday?"

"Early. Like, at 6pm."

"Damn, I get off of work at 7. I guess I'll have to leave early."

"Hell yeah," she said. "Rock and roll, baby! Screw the day job!"

"Is that the kind of music you play-- rock?"

"Yeah... imagine STP and stuff like that. But with a girl." She smiled again. I was dizzy and intoxicated.

"Can't wait to hear it."

The meeting carried on, and occasionally she would mutter something under her breath, having to do with a comment made by the organizers, and I would mutter something back. Nothing big, just small talk.

I made a mental note to see her band play on Friday.

The meeting ended, and I said 'goodbye' to her, and that was it.

I'll see her again at the Singlefest. I'm sure she will be too busy to come to our Tuesday gig.

I have to make her mine. No more sitting back and letting the sweeties walk past me. Time to go after her, and try to win her over.

I saw the bass player in her band before I left. He was staring at mne, but not the way I was staring at her.

He looked like he wanted to kill me.

I guess he saw me talking to her. He didn't come over to sit with us when she pulled up a seat next to me.

I notice these things.

I looked up their site: Not bad. Some of the photos don't do her justice. She is luscious beyond my wildest dreams.

I didn't mention any of this to Holly when I saw her later that night, at Ben's house.

I gave the band all of my notes, and they were jazzed.

Then Holly made a comment:

"I'm going to find my future boyfriend at this festival," she said, as she smoked her cigarette.

I sighed. "Yeah, well, it's a singles festival. You might be right."

Jack, Evan's roadie friend, the guy who lied to my fiend Karen about not having a girlfriend, was flirting heavily with Holly. He stood close to her, talking that smooth shit that he knows how to spit. Holly ate it up, as she always does. I wondered if Jack would end up having his way with her, or would he fail like so many others have...

And for the first time since I started playing in this group, I looked over at her and Jack, and I said to myself:

"He can have her..."

posted by James | 6:43 PM


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